A little chocolate humor to brighten your day

I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.

Put the chocolate in the bag and nobody gets hurt.

A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine.

Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process.... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?

I am a serious chocoholic. For the serious chocoholic, chocolate is better than sex.
If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind.
If you HAVE met that special someone and still believe that, I REALLY NEED to know where you get your chocolate!!!

Chocolate is the best when it melts so creamy and soft in your mouth and it slides down your throat.

Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.

How to Select the Best Dark Chocolate

Does that mean you need to know the difference between Godiva and Hershey's? Nope. Choosing the best chocolate means knowing what's in it. If you pay attention to the ingredients, you will be able to select the best chocolate almost every time.

Dark chocolate should have:

1) Cocoa liquor. Sometimes called cocoa mass, cocoa solids, cocoa, or chocolate. (It is not actually a liquor and does not contain any alcohol.)
2) Sugar. Cane juice, molasses, and other natural sweeteners are acceptable substitutes.
3) Cocoa butter.
4) Vanilla. (optional) Vanillin is a fake vanilla made from pine sap. Avoid it!
5) Soy lecithin. (optional) It's used to make the chocolate bind together better. It is sold as a health food supplement, though some argue that it is not healthy.
6) Any add-ins, such as nuts, fruits, or flavorings. Make sure none are artificial or hydrogenated.

How to Put Movies into Chocolate?

There is no doubt that Chocolate is such a popular item, you can find it everywhere and many major movies are about Chocolate or at least have some Chocolate touch. Some of the best films about Chocolate are:

Chocolat (2000)

This movie, starring Juliette Binoche and Johnny Depp, tells the story of a woman who cannot settle down and travels the world with her six-year-old daughter. The woman, called Vianne Rocher, opens a chocolate shop every time she moves into a new city and the film starts when she arrives in a small conservative town in the South of France. This film is based on the homonyms book, Chocolat, written by Joanne Harris.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Starring Johnny Depp, this film is a remake of an old movie, called Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, made in 1971. Both books are based on the novel for children, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, written by British author Roald Dahl.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory tells the story of a child from a poor family, who wins one of the golden tickets to visit the mythical Chocolate factory belonging to Willy Wonka.

Consuming passions (1988)

This film, titled ‘Cioccolato Bollente’ in Italian, was made in the UK and is a grotesque comedy about a young executive who tries to modernise a chocolate factory.

Like Water for Chocolate (1993)

This movie is based on a novel by the Mexican author Laura Esquivel. It tells the story of a strong passion between the youngest of three daughters of a widow in a remote ranch and Pedro. Pedro falls in love with the widow’s youngest daughter, Tita. However, Tita’s father wants to keep to the family tradition that the youngest daughter cannot marry until the oldest has. So, Pedro marries Tita’s oldest sister to remain close to Tita. Pedro and Tita keep having a highly sensual relationship, through the food that Tita prepares for Pedro. The expression ‘like water for chocolate’ (como agua para chocolate in Spanish) in Spanish speaking countries has a double meaning and it is a metaphor for describing a state of passion or sexual arousal.

Benefit of Dark chocolate

Dark chocolate contains a high concentration of stearic acid (a saturated fatty acid with a neutral effect on cholesterol), essential minerals including magnesium, copper, potassium, manganese, and most significant, flavonoids. The latter are phytochemical plant pigments that act as natural antioxidants, neutralizing free radicals that can damage body tissue and cells.

Dark chocolate actually contains more flavonoids per gram than any other food tested so far, including green tea, red wine, and blueberries. The good news doesn't stop there. The high percentage of cocoa in dark chocolate also gives it a low glycemic index, a ranking of carbohydrates according to their effect on our blood glucose levels. This means it produces only small fluctuations in blood glucose and insulin levels.

Why Chocolate is Better than Sex?

Top 25 reasons why chocolate is better than sex

25: it´s easy to find 8 inches of chocolate
24: You can have chocolate all weekend and still walk OK on monday
23: chocolate does not keep you awake yapping after you had it
22: You can have chocolate with little kids and not go to jail
21: You don´t have to beg for chocolate
20: with chocolate, size does not matter…it´s always good
19: When you are having chocolate, it does not keep the neighbours awake
18: You are never too old or too young for chocolate
17: You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle
16: Good chocolate is easy to find
15: You can have chocolate any time of the month
14: chocolate doesn´t get you pregnant
13: With chocolate there´s no need to fake it
12: "If you love me you´d swallow" has real meaning with chocolate
11: You don´t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate
10: Buying chocolate does not give you a bad conscience
9: you can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped
8: you can have chocolate on your desk without upsetting your workmates
7: Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names
6: If you bite the nuts to hard, the chocolate does not mind
5: You can have chocolate in front of your parents
4: you can make chocolate last as long as you want to
3: you can safely have chocolate while you are driving
2: chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft
1: you can GET chocolate

Chocolate Jokes

Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert?
A: Chocolate covered aunts.

Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A: Because no one wants to quit.

Q: How do you know when a complete moron has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do complete morons hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why?
Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.